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Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Irish Viagra
An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice on reviving her husband's libido.
'What about trying Viagra?' asked the doctor..
'Not a chance', she said... 'He won't even take an aspirin.'
'Not a problem,' replied the doctor. 'Give him an Irish Viagra...
It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went..'
It wasn't a week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to her progress.
The poor dear exclaimed, 'Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!'
'Really? What happened?' asked the doctor.
'Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent me cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! T'was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!'
'Why so terrible?' asked the doctor, 'Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?'
'Freakin' jaysus, 'twas the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!'
'What about trying Viagra?' asked the doctor..
'Not a chance', she said... 'He won't even take an aspirin.'
'Not a problem,' replied the doctor. 'Give him an Irish Viagra...
It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went..'
It wasn't a week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to her progress.
The poor dear exclaimed, 'Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!'
'Really? What happened?' asked the doctor.
'Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent me cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! T'was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!'
'Why so terrible?' asked the doctor, 'Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?'
'Freakin' jaysus, 'twas the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!'
Engineer of the Year candidate
As we get older,we sometimes begin to doubt our ability to "make a difference" in the world.
It is at these times that our hopes are boosted by the remarkable achievements of other "seniors"
It is at these times that our hopes are boosted by the remarkable achievements of other "seniors"
who have found the courage to take on significant challenges that would make many of us wither.
Harold Schlumberg a retired chemical engineer, is such a person:
QUOTE FROM HAROLD:
"I've often been asked, 'What do you old folks do now that you're retired?'
Well...I'm very fortunate to have a chemical engineering background.
One of the things I enjoy most is converting beer, wine and vodka into urine.
I do it every day and I really enjoy it."
Harold should be an inspiration to us all.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Dear blank.... SO TOTALLY TRUE
Dear world,
Asking who's the "man" and who's the "woman" in a gay relationship is like going to a Chinese restaurant and asking which chopstick is the fork.
Sincerely, annoyed.
Dear blank....
Dear potato chip companies,
I am not an optimist; that bag is half empty.
Sincerely, consumer.
The way it goes...
Man sitting at home on the couch with his wife and he says, "I love you."
She asks, "Is that you or the beer talking?"
He replies, "It's me.............talking to the beer."
She asks, "Is that you or the beer talking?"
He replies, "It's me.............talking to the beer."
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Dear blank....
Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Sincerely, Unicorns
Dear blank....
Dear people whos cars have been stolen,
10% of car theives are left handed. All polar bears are left handed. There's a 10% chance that a polar bear took your car.
Sincerely, logic.
Friday, March 18, 2011
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